As I work on this blog, and the pages for it, I’ve had some time to reflect upon myself. It’s been a long-standing feeling that I am unhappy with my life, and how it currently is. I’m in the wrong study field, and I’ve known that for a while. I chose IT as it was a backup plan, and the fact that generally, IT employees get paid well. That being said, those are really starting to seem like terrible reasons to choose a profession, and my husband brought up a good point that no matter how much something is paying me if I am miserable. Through all of out marital problems lately, he is still one to give me a pep talk and try to make me think better of myself.
I realized that the only person who can make me happy is myself. Therefore, I’ve requested a program transfer in hopes it will be approved, and if so, you guys will be looking at a history major soon. I already know it’s pretty much a useless degree in our current society, as I have no ambition to be a teacher, but it IS a passion of mine. While I still plan on getting a nursing degree(AS) eventually, this is a stepping stone for me to happiness with myself.
I also have been doing well on my diet, and physically I can see small results for the short time I’ve been at it, so I DO have something to be looking forward too. I’ve also put $120 in savings, and while that may not seem like a lot, for someone who has spent 8 years living paycheck to paycheck, that’s a fantastic step in the right direction. I really am trying to work with myself on this whole “optimism” thing, and create a happy, calm life for myself and my family. That has to start with me. I can’t be the person I need to be for others if I can’t pull myself out of this intense depression, and every little step counts.
Just to help myself think, I’ve begun working on a novella, or at the very least a very short story. Maybe, just maybe, this time I will go through with it instead of scrapping my works a few chapters in. It’s often said that we are our worst critics, and this is especially true for those of us who struggle with depression, anxiety, or other mental disorders. We are often discouraged by every day life, the news, tragic events, and the like. It’s easy, with all we are privy to, to see the worst in everything, but there is still hope for our future, and that has to start with those of us between the ages of 17-40(ish) as we are the ones who have the power to make this crazy world a more beautiful, kind place.
We all have a duty to ourselves to ensure we are kindhearted people who aren’t blinded by what the media portray as humanity, but to be the people we know we can be. The kind that help fellow men and women, even if it is just a kind smile or wave to a stranger. We cannot be consumed by our petty differences any longer. We are the change the world needs.
I know I got a little off track there, but as I said, my mind has been racing this week. So many thoughts are going through my mind, on various topics, and though I like to share with you all I’d rather not bore you with a humanity spiel :’)
I’ve got a few new pages coming up on the blog within the next few days, so you all stay tuned!